Dark Angel

Answer: We always want what we cant have, and when we can have it, we dont want it anymore. So is it a good thing that ************** and so many guys before gave up on me, despite all the feeligs they felt before? Because the moment i changed my mind and showed the slightest big of interest they ran straight for the door. Or should have I waited longer, pretended for a certain period of time that I'm not interested?

Maybe then they would have stayed? Or woudl they...Nobody can be that good of an actres anyway.
So what could have been done?

Should have i pretended to be someone I"m not, perhaps this illusion that the man desires in the first place;
the untouchable the glorious, the sex symbol, the modest, the perfect toy to add to the gallary? But nobody can be that good of an actress anyways.

If they could though, how oh how long could one keep it up before forgetting who she truelly is, driving herself to some of ofunspeakable depression and then loosing the guy anyways, and on the road loosing herself as well?

The most measurable of all solutions would be to probably do nothing, seek no interest at first but slowly gradually show emotion/affection back OR keep playing hard to get. Playing their little game and seeing how long oh how long will they last...?

but how long will they last?

What is the boarderline between just not having them wait long enough and loose interest  and waiting too long ahnd having he false sense to believe hat you are not worth waiting for?

And which guys boarderline where...

The real question is:

Is the guy even worth all the trouble in the first place.

Yes?

Next question.

are you his next:
mother figure?
sholer to cry on?
reveng date?
revenge fuck?
one night stand?
non exclusive girl?
fuck buddy?
friend with bennefits?
serious relationship?
someone to hold his hand?
his temporary moment of insnity?
his shield to hide his true sexuality?
his rebound?
his experiment?
his escape?
his next love song?
his muse?
his girl?
the love of his life?
his first time?
his last time?

or just simply his nothing...

why are they worth so much effort? love? no such thing. Love is just undisclosed and misplacedbundle of emotions.

These can come from a broken childhood, lack of parental love, lack of attention, craving of physical contact, or just an overdoes of heart ache.

SO PATHETIC.

I've abandoned the idea that a man can tuelly feel love, and warmth and use his heart for somethig other then pumping blood around his body.

If i know all this about men, then why do I try to be like them. Why do i constantlyu pretend i dont care when its killing m inside? Why do i act as if i was storing boys for y own liking in a filing cabinet? do i want to be what they want me tho be;;

;;this confident person, ranging with sexual energy, yet unacessible sex bomb of some type? OR

shoud i just play two cards in a circular rotation of slut and prude....

its a 50/50 chance for every guy out there.

who draws the boarderlines anyway.

why does it always come back to sex? Why can't i kep myself and my head out of this mess. Today is one of those days I just want to sleep forever.

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

CHORUS
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

CHORUS

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same


-Soul Asylum-

I miss you.

i miss the you i could talk to every night

i miss the you the only person i could trust

i miss the you; I never thought we could ever have a fight

i miss you; you’re the one that’s always by my side

i miss you and how you never  cared about what other people thought

i miss the you; the girl who was never influenced by others

i miss you and being able to trust you and tell you stuff

i miss you and the plans we made

i miss you; and how we planned to make it far, and I miss how we used to stick together

i miss the you and our daily messaging and evening four hour talks

i miss the tears, the drinking, the laughter and the girls night outs

I miss you and how you never used to argue back, when my opinion was worthy when it wouldn’t go too far; I miss all of that.

i miss the you and how you opened up and let me in

I miss the you that didn’t always have to be right

i miss you and how you’d say whatever is on your mind; but never intend to hurt me; not even subconciously

i miss the kindness you've left behind

i miss how we used to swear we'll be biffles till the end

i miss opening up to you and knowing you won't laugh in my face

I miss hearing you out; knowing whats going on..all the simple stuff

i miss you and how you used to accept me for who i am

I miss you and I miss how I used to have the courage to talk to you

i miss you.